“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”—Colossians 3:3

Today is Good Friday, a day Christians commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus. Because of the pandemic, we will be celebrating the day at home. I rose, read from the Good Friday liturgy from the Book of Common Prayer with my coffee in hand, and baked unleavened bread for our Communion later this evening. Rhythms matter in this season.

The pandemic has brought a host of questions from humanity, not the least of which being, “What does this all mean?” People are searching for meaning in this moment—as they always are. But the search is currently quite pronounced. Acts of kindness are permeating the normally hard shells of our secularized sensibilities. The Internet is lighting up with ways people are striving to be unusually kind in this season. Bible sales are skyrocketing. Religious services—not simply Christian ones—are experiencing spikes in viewership.

People are asking: “What am I supposed to learn right now?”

Some are responding by leaning into weight loss and exercise. Others are baking the bread packed schedules never seem to allow. Others are reading copious amounts, trying new hobbies, or reconnecting with friends. And of course others are binging Tiger King.

At root, however, we are grappling with the Why? behind this pandemic. We wonder if there are cosmic forces at play, if God is trying to teach the entire globe a lesson at the same time.

Others scoff at such a notion. The world is as it is, they say.

And so we walk, torn between a desire to find meaning or to grasp the cold possibility that all of universe is an accident—a Happy Accident, perhaps, but an accident nonetheless.

I have many friends who have chosen to believe the Theory of the Happy Accident over the course of their lives, but, in my estimation, it escapes explanation. The universe is far too vast, far too complex, far too beautiful. Life is far too rare, far too stunning, far too precarious. I cast my lot with Faith long ago.

Faith does not mean I am without questions. Nor does it mean I am without doubts. I cannot understand why a disease would emerge and take thousands of lives. I cannot comprehend why there would be an economic downturn that will—by all accounts—be significant. There are pieces of this life that do not always make sense to me, that do not always fit neatly into the Sunday school version of Faith. This does not deter me from Faith, but instead makes it something much more mysterious, which, I think, is what Faith ought to have been in the first place. I decided some years back to continue to learn, to ask questions, to allow myself to have doubts, but to also trust that there are some things I cannot—nor ever will—understand, all while God is on His throne. That is Faith.

Those who choose the Theory of the Happy Accident also have parts of the universe they do not understand.They simply opt for nihilism—the belief that all of existence is the cosmos is random, by chance, and pointless.

That never made sense to me, no matter how much philosophy or science I read.

And so I live in a tension: I have Faith, but I do not always understand. I have Faith, but there are many moments where doubt creeps in. If you are a person of Faith, you understand.

I have a friend who is a rabbi. His name is also Steve. One day Rabbi Steve and I were having lunch, talking about faith. As part of that conversation, I was looking for language to explain why Faith had led me to follow Jesus. I do believe in Heaven, so that is certainly part of it. And I am incredibly grateful for the forgiveness and grace given me in Christ, so that is also a large part of it. But on that day, our conversation was exploring how Faith informed our lives in the Here and Now, so that was on my mind. And, in the midst of that conversation, I formed these words:

“Following Jesus is the way of being in this world that makes the most sense to me. The Kingdom of God is the only way I have ever lived in which I truly felt the peace and joy I believe humans were created to experience."

Faith leads me to believe that after my final breath on this Earth, my next breath with be with Jesus in resplendent glory. But Faith also leads me to believe that the innumerable breaths between now and that final breath have purpose and meaning. Each of those breaths are to bound up in the story of Jesus, with the Kingdom he proclaimed. By the power of His Spirit and with His grace, I strive to live that Kingdom each day. I regularly fall short. But each day I rise, drink my coffee, pray, and I choose Faith.

I choose love instead of hatred.

I choose forgiveness instead of grudges.

I choose peace instead of anger.

I choose fidelity instead of wandering.

I choose eternal life instead of death.

My life is hid with Christ on high, as the song says. Or, as the Scripture says, “For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”—Colossians 3:3

Faith has not led me to lose my personality or my identity. I’m still the one who loves books and baseball, Star Wars and smoked meats. I still have passions, interests, and adventures. But each of those are now in alignment with the Kingdom, with how Jesus would have me live. Faith does not rob me of my individuality. Faith brings it into full vibrancy and appreciation. I see the Good, the True, and the Beautiful as I walk in Faith. I am living in forgiveness now. I am living in grace now. I am, to the best of my knowledge, living Heaven now.

And that’s where I’m finding meaning.

My Faith in the grace shown me by Jesus on Good Friday some 2000 years ago gives me the Way to live in this world. So I’ll continue to pray. I’ll continue to worship and bake my own Communion bread. I’ll look for ways to serve and love my neighbors. I’ll continue to grasp the identity given me in Christ. I’ll continue to embrace grace and peace.

And I’ll continue to invite others to join in.

In the search for meaning, it’s the best Way of being in this world I’ve discovered.